The adventures of King Axel
by yacamacalaca
Summary: Axel becomes King of a world he began to conquor and marries Roxas. See what happens when Axel becomes unfaithful. Pure crack awaits.


OK so first of all this is a crack fic- if that's what its called on this site this is my first story up here and its completely pointless and I know no one has ever read anything like this so please read if u want a good laugh or… have something to flame I don't really care but please enjoy this retarded fanfic :D btw it has some akuroku but its pointless… OK I'll stop rambling now. Oh yeah theres also some spanish and japanese words in here but u don't really need to know them but I'll point them out anyway.

Spanish…

Mijo- I guess its kinda like "Son"? Kid? Something like that.

Que feo- How ugly. He's ugly.

La Sirenita- the Little mermaid.

Muy fuerte- very hard, strong.

Que fue eso- what was that

Ahora vete porque…- Now go away because…

Que onda guera! - Whats up white girl

Japanese…

Odoru Hi No Kaze- If ur an Axel fan u shud know this… its his japanese title in the organization. Its means wind of dancing flames or somethin like that.

Kokoro- heart

NOW ON WITH THE STORY!

-.-.-.-.-

Once upon a time there was a kingdom called the Disney Kingdom. The Kiiiiiing was Mickey Mouse at first but then he was brutally killed by a pyro named Axel Faia. He was the Odoru Hi No Kaze who danced to sexy fire music.

Anyways Axel killed mickey and took over the throne and renamed the kingdom the Kingdom of Faia. He needed a princess or queen to help him rule the Kingdom of Faia, and he searched many kingdoms over the world to look for the perfect bride. There was a kingdom called the Kingdom of Hikari. The princess there was a boy named Roxas Hikari. He was beautifull and kawaii. The moment Axel saw him he thought "que feo" but when he heard Roxas say "yoohoo" in a Jesse Mcartny voice, he got a boner. And he was so embarrased because he was in front of ppl and then Rokusasu looked at him and said "is that a keyblade in ur pants or r u just hppy to see me?" Axel put his hands over his pants in a failing attempt to hide his lovestick abd said "Oh none of the above mijo I'm just happy you have that beautifull voice ya know? It makes meh horny :D " After Roxas heard this he and Axel went to Roxas's castle to have some hot action involving Axel dressing up as a mermaid named Ariel and Roxas being the bitch a.k.a Eric from La Sirenita.

2 months later they got married and their kingdoms combined into the Kingdom Hearts :D. 1 year later Roxas became pregas with Axel's child. He gave birth to twins. 1 was a girl named Kairi who looked just like Axel and the other was a boy named Ventus who looked exactly like his mother aww. They were a perfect family and their kingdom was peaceful and one day..."Oh yes I will destroy their perfect lives because Axel deserves to pay for what he did all those years ago A-hyuk A-hyuk A-hyuk!" laughed a goofy dog his name was Goofy. He was the lover of Mickey Mouse, the last king from the Faia Kingdom. When he was killed by King Axel, Minnie Mouse, his queen, was horrified And killed herself muy fuerte because she was THAT weird. Little did she know that her husband was having an affair with the soldier guard Goofy, and the royal magician, Donald Duck, but he was burned long ago along with Mickey because Axel was hungry and decided to roast Donald and eat him. But thats another story.

Anyways Goofy was preparing a shield, his best weapon ever. "Oh yeeah Imma kill Aku's wife and children by hitting them wif mah shield! A-hyuk A-hyuk A-hyuk! That will be the day!"

- Back at Kingdom Hearts -

"Mommy will u teach meh how to use a keyblade now what if something bad happens?" Said little Ventus who they called Ven. "No you stupid child you don't even have the ability to use it cos you never touched it hahahahaha!" Said Roxas who over the years turned out to be a really bitchy mom. "Go ask ur dad for chakrams or something I'm busy!" Ven runs away crying.

Roxas says "finally rid of that fukin ugly kid I shouldve named him Sid Vicious. So now why did I ever sleep with Axel? Oh right he complimented my Jese Mcartney voice :D Now where was I?" Roxas started walking when he heard "Pollo!" and felt a little pinch on his back "ouchie que fué eso?" and he turned around and saw an mutated humanish dog there trying to hit him with a shield. He kept on repeating "Ho! Poyo!" over n over again and he was like O.o "chicken?" the whole time. He summoned his keyblade and killed him and Goffy was all like "Nooooooooooooo! Sora!" and he melted forever. "ok... you don't see that everyday..." He stepped over the puddle of Goofy and went to call a maid to clean it up

- Bak with Axel -

"Papa! Mommy's being mean to me! He dont let me use a keybrade at all!" Said Ven to his little father Axel. Axel says, "No u little shit don't u kno that u havent ever even touched a keyblade? Go ask Kairi for incest action or something I'm busy." Axel was about to walk away then Ven said, "Busy with what? ur not doing anything dada," "Cant u see that I'm meeting the maid in private behind ur mom's back I'm on my way to meet her right now! Ahora vete porque u waste mah time enough as it is! You were a mistake I shudve made Roxas abort u by force!" Ventus was forever tramatized by this and buried his head into the dirt with his tiny ass in the air and never came out again, much to his parents eternal joy.

"Now anywayz I have to meet the maid hehe..."

The maid was a bug-haired freak named Larxene she liked Axel's clownish features so they began having an affair behind Roxas's back. Right now Larxene was cleaning up a puddle that was made of fur and skin and clothes (a.k.a the melted goofy puddle) but she didnt know what it was but she cleaned it because Roxas ordered her to. If she disobeyed then she would be cursed to eternal damnation!

Behind her somebody grabbed her butt and she was like WTH! It was the gardener, Marluxia a.k.a Marly. It was just his creepy way of greeting everyone, even the children... especially the old men, such as Vexen, the Roxas's grandpa. "Hey girl! Que onda guera!" said Marly all happy and shit. But Larxene was fukin offended and said, "How dare you speak to me in spanish! Cant u see that Im a white girl Idk how to fukin speak another language u piece of pink shit!" Ur mean LarLar I hate you!" He ran away crying and stepped on all the flowers he just planted and killed them, "NO I just killed all my beautiful flower friends waaahhhhh!" which made him cry and run even more. He ran in circles while crying and spread around the Goofy puddle and flowers everywhere, making a huge mess. Queen Roxas was coming over to check on everything and got really pissed that everything was dirty. "Larxene! Marly! WHY IS EVERYTHING SUCH A MESS! I SEND U ALL TO ETERNAL DAMNATION!" And Roxas sent them all to burn in hell for all eternity.

By the time Axel arrived he was like "Hey baby just wondering if you've seen the maid around or something. I needed to tell her something real quick." "Oh no Axey I just sent her ugly ass off to Hell where she always belonged anyway. We'll get a new maid soon so don't worry" Axel was pissed and said "Orly? Then if we're getting a new maid, can it be another blond person? I liiike 'em blond y'know?"

"Que?Why do u care if theyre blond anyway? Its not like ur fucking them or something!" said Roxas.

"Well actually, I have... you see Roxy, ur kawaii and all, but ur dick is too tiny for my enourmous asshole. It has been like this for all these yeArs. I thought it was time u noticed this giant detail by now mijo. And well, Larxene's dick was like, 12 times your size and it even made my huge asshole 8 times as larger than it was before I met you. I havent felt this alive since I roasted that one duck and ate like I never have in my life before. No hard feelings right? I mean we never had kokoro to begin with, so we can't feel anyway. I never loved you and you never loved me so we're even. I'm leaving you Roxas. No, wait. I'm kicking you out of this castle and banishing you from my kingdom ... to the Realm of Darkness... oh, and you're taking the damn kids with you too. I'm banishing them to the Dark Realm too. I never wanted them anyway. Fuck you for even being able to get pregnant in the first place."

Axel said all of this proudly. And Roxas was crying already, "But, when u complimented my voice on the day we met, you said you loved it... you said you loved ME. How can you do this to me, Axel? I love you, I don't care if we don't have hearts, I always felt that way about you! And we created this kingdom together you cacahead, you can't banish me! You can banish the kids for all I care but you can't do that to ME! In fact, I shall banish YOU, to Eternal Damnation! There, you'll be with your damn other blonde and get ur asshole largened by the fires of Hell! I'll make sure that happens because my uncle Frollo is capable of making that happen you know!" Roxas was fuckin pissed now."You're wrong Roxy, Hell and I cancel each other out, we're equally powerful, so u can't banish me there, no matter how much you try hahahahaha!" Roxas summoned his Keyblade and Axel pulled 2 chakrams out of his asshole with a little difficulty and they began to fight. Roxas killed Axel by slicing his ass open and a screaming old man came out and crawled away. Axel bled his ass out and said, "Gudbyey u shit."

-.-.-.-.-

O.o …. I was….terribly bored and well I'm too lazy to go over typos and stuff so yeah… I hope this made u laugh at least at some point, and get a look at my really weird sense of humor. Btw I love akuroku so I didn't mean it to end like this but whatever… review/comment? Porfavor?


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